i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
