Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
