broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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