wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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