who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're too hungover to prance.
True strength comes from lack of pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
