Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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