we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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