Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
