I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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