Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
