I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
