He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
