She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
