take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is wine microwaveable?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
