i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
