12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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