Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
