Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
