That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
