I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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