moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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