Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
