I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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