sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
