i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
