Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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