You made me cry and you don't even care
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
