it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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