Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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