we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
