I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
