So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
