I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
