Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
