Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
