We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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