We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
