That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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