Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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