You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did you just send me my own nude
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
