So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
