i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
