i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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