I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
