I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
