The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
