So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
