Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
