Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
