The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
